New.

It's getting that bad that I can't see or hear properly again, I'm back in that bubble. 

I'm not sure what's brought it on, but sleeping without aid is no longer possible and the nightmares have returned. 

There is so much I want to tell you, share with you, make you mad at me for, and make you proud of me for, but at the end of the day it's all fucked up again. 

I know you told me that one day I'd look back and it would all seem so silly, but how can it seem silly if it was the best thing? That without it I cant see or breathe properly? I wish to god that was the case. 

It makes me want to scream untill I have nothing left to give, and cry untill I'm bone dry, when in reality I shake with numbness. 

I'm not sure what to do anymore, it's been far too long now. Another year, another entrance, another exit and more new. 

However more new just means more of the old, attempting fighting not to be replaced by the new. 

The thing is I've never been much good with change.